Nursery Theme

My nursery is PLANNED. I mean it is freaking PLANNED. TO THE LETTER. Obviously not all plans go according to plan but planning the nursery has kept me sane while waiting for the biopsy and all that mess. So I planned the crap out of a nursery. I want a gender neutral theme since I don't want to know the bebe's sex. And I love science! So a galaxy/space/ planets/alien theme is the best ever. Mah bebe's gonna be so edumacated. (sorry if the pictures are all messed up)

Some of these things aren't even available anymore/are unrealistic to get but they're just ideas for inspiration! That cradle is over $1000 for example... but actually looks kinda like you could make it? The curtains and quilt also aren't available any more but both are things I could make. I loveloveloveeee the female scientists posters. 

I think before I said I wanted a monster theme, which is still totally awesomeeee. But I decided on the space theme because I think it inspires not only imagination, but interest in science! Sososo important.

So what other themes do you guys like? Woodland animals? Zoo animals? Explorers? Under the sea? Circus tent? Super gendered princess/sport theme? (Not that I'm judging)

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Fear and Retail Therapy

Hey friends,
So as very few of you know, I've been having some health issues. I've only told a few people because I've been pretty scared. My doctor found a lump on my thyroid a few weeks ago. First I had to do an ultrasound (yeah, not how I imagined my first ultrasound) and then I had to wait two weeks (waiting is the best. NOT.) and today I just got a biopsy of the lump. Which was super scary and painful and I cried a lot. Anyways, it got me thinking a lot about pregnancy, because the thyroid is so important in pregnancy! It's a huge factor in fetal brain development and hypothyroidism (what I'm pretty sure is the issue I have) can lead to retardation in babies. So yeah. Your thyroid is super important. People with thyroid problems can also have problems getting pregnant in the first place. I always just assumed that getting pregnant was going to be pretty easy for me, and it still might be! But the idea that something could be wrong was so jarring and shocking! Of course I won't know final results till next week and there are thyroid replacement drugs that can make everything fine. I just had that "oh" feeling. Like, this is what it feels like for your body to not be the way you thought it was. Everything will probably be fine, but it's scary not to be able to say with certainty, everything WILL be fine.

Carter's Bicycle dress, $8, size 3 months

After the biopsy I went to Babies R Us with my mom, which was pretty fun! As much fun as it was going with The Ginger, he didn't really know what things were or could have critical conversations about them and if they'd be good for babies. So it was really fun to go with my mom who could coo over things with me. There were also lots of clothes sales! And you know I can't resist baby clothes. And of course GIRL baby clothes. I'm jinxing myself, I know. I have no baby girl names and all I can buy are girl clothes. I'll either have a nameless girl, or have a boy with a closet full of girl clothes.

Time for some Grey's Anatomy curled up on the couch massaging my neck now. Next time I'll write on weird baby names and nursery themes (which I'm totally obsessed with).

Till next time, loves!

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Our Trip to Babies R Us

A Pak-N-Play, forgot to get the price! Nice colors

On Friday The Ginger and I went to Babies R Us to have a look around and man, that place is NUTS. First of all, it's MASSIVE. It just has WAYY too much stuff. Like a million different outlet covers and nipple creams and 15 different models of every piece of furniture. So here are some pictures of ridiculous things we saw, things we liked, and what we bought!

First thing we looked at (after being seriously overwhelmed by the amount of bottles/breast pumps/pacifiers/random shit) was Pak-N-Plays, or whatever the non-brand name of them is called. Since we don't think we'll be having a crib, a Pak-N-Play is going to be our go-to for those first few weeks when we need baby in the bedroom with us for midnight feedings. It's also going to be handy since we'll be needing it for Baby when we travel to visit family (which we'll be doing often). The first one we looked at is a nice blue and white one with a bassinet and changing table insert. They can be taken out and it can be used as a regular full crib. The second one we saw is the pink and brown one, which you can unzip part of and use the removable shelves!! Almost as good as pockets!

Chandelier swing eww

Another Pak N Play!

Then we looked at those motorized rocking swings, which I'm not generally a fan of but whateves. They had some nice one. But his one was so completely RIDICULOUS that I had to snap a picture. Yes, that is a little pink CHANDELIER over that swing. ads,fhd;lshkklj Like what the actual fuck are you joking. I didn't even take a picture of the super gross Disney princess canopy crib with chandelier. Yuck yuck yuck.

Monsters Inc. Theme

I'd sleep in this

On the flip side of the gross themed stuff was the adorable themed things! Like all the cute Monsters Inc. things. I think a Monsters Inc. theme would be adorable. Because monsters are not only a fun gender neutral theme, but they're just adorable and awesome. Doesn't have to be Monsters Inc., just monsters in general. The whole crib set can be seen here. There's a pretty cute quilt, though I'd like to make my own baby quilt (and actually am and will post about it later!).
Okay, so here's what we added to our stockpike.

Okay so the "Daddy's Little Girl" is a little silly but whatever. The other one The Ginger picked out and is pretty cool because it has a dog on it and on the little shorts it comes with! We almost got the skull sweater the the right but decided to wait until Baby is older and we know more about when they'll be what age when. So we're not buying sweaters that would fit them when they're 6 months and they turn out to be 6 months old in the summer or something.

Overall, I think I'll probably look for a different store for all my baby needs, mainly because of how HUGE it was. And also that the people working there wouldn't leave me alone. I really really don't like talking to anyone at stores. So when employees come up to me and ask me how I'm doing, I say fine the first time, but if the SAME staff person comes BACK to me and asks me AGAIN, it freaks me out! And I get upset! I don't like it! And that happened a few times. Which made me kinda anxious. Anyways! That's all I got for now.

Remember friends, comments are awesome and appreciated, and you can subscribe via email to the right! Love you guys!

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How My Mental Illness is Helping My Husband Be a Better (Eventual) Father

       I know, for those suffering from mental illnesses, we can sometimes feel like "WHAT good can ever come from my mental issues?" It can be hard to think of any benefit of mental illness. It can feel like it swallows you whole and consumes everything you love, shitting it back out like a dark King Midas that turns everything it touches into a twisted mess. My mental illnesses have ruled the better part of my life and it's a constant struggle to find a silver lining. But this is a little bit about how I think I found mine.

      I've struggled with depression/anxiety/borderline personality disorder for most of my life, though thankfully things are much better now than they used to be. I've not self-harmed in over 6 years and I've been without medication for about 3 years. For the most part, I'm doing really well. But everyone has times when they struggle and the last year has been a serious strain on my anxieties. Panic attacks started coming back, accompanied of course by depression, constant worrying, and phobias. I try hard to take care of myself and look up ways to help me de-stress, but it's not the kind of stress you get after a long day. Anxieties start to control your life. Someone asks if you want to go get lunch. Have to get dressed, what if I wear something stupid what if they don't like what I'm wearing, then I have to drive there what if I get in an accident and no one knows who to call and I'm all alone and dying and my husband can't find me, then I'll have to get there to eat and there will be people all around me and what if a man grabs me or I get cornered somewhere that I can't get away, what will I eat, can I afford to be going out, what are we going to talk about? No sorry, I'm busy I can't go out. Can't sleep at night thinking of all the things that could happen to you or your loved ones. Checking to see if your partner is still breathing.

     I've made myself a little tool-kit to take places with me to try and lower my anxiety and it does sometimes help. But what helps me get through Every. Single. Episode. Is my husband.
     I know, I know, the feminist in me is screaming that I don't need a husband to take care of me, and that's true. But everyone does need a support system. And I'm lucky enough to live with my best friend who knows how to help me. I'm sure when I had my first panic attack in front of him my husband was like whattttttttttt the hell is going on I'm gonna run now. But I remember very clearly hiding in my closet crying and rocking back and forth and him sitting on the floor right outside the closet and telling me to listen to the rain. Previous to that of course was the "What is going on you need to calm down" that everyone often says when seeing someone else have a panic attack, but he seemed to learn pretty quickly that rationalization at that moment was not working and he needed to try something else.

   If I were totally neuro-typical, I'm sure The Ginger would still be a great father! He's selfless and kind and loving. He'd learn everything else as he went. When I first met him he, like so many others our age including myself, had little to no experience caring for anyone but himself. And certainly no experience caring and loving someone who is struggling with an illness. He has had to coax me out of some pretty tough situations. And can he do it every time? No. Sometimes I just can't be calmed down, or he doesn't say "The Right Thing" and I get even more upset. I can go from just easily irritated, to periods of complete shut down and going non-verbal. Sometimes he gets irritated back or he doesn't understand why I'm not talking. But every time gets easier than the last. It's a learning process, and it's one that he's excelling at. Last time I stopped talking he started telling me a funny story about our dog. He makes me laugh, he breaks up the worry loop in my brain. He knows my triggers, he understood that I had to stop watching Game of Thrones because I couldn't handle the constant sexual assault scenes. He helps me clean the kitchen when a friend with allergies is coming over because he knows I have a huge allergy phobia. He comes home after working all day and sees me curled up on the couch crying about how stressful it is that our apartment is messy and how I can't get off the couch and couldn't all day, and he starts cleaning up.

      I think that learning my needs, as someone who needs possibly a little extra attention than a neuro-typical person might, has helped The Ginger learn to listen really deeply to another person and care for them and think of them when making decisions. He's not gonna suggest waking downtown at night as a date-night. He might choose a movie cuddled on the cough or bowling if it was a good day because he understands my needs and has incorporated them into his own. All of these characteristics are, what I believe, going to make him not just a great father, but a fantastic father. 

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Diaper Bag to Haul the Poop Around

Yeah, you work that $20 diaper bag from Wal-Mart

POOP BAGSSSSSSS! "Ew why call them that" you say? Well because dear readers, while people do not often put poopy diapers back INTO diaper bags, I'm totally going to have to. I plan on cloth diapering, which means I need a little bag inside the diaper bag to put used diapers. I'm going to need a smell-proof bag. Pretty sure they sell them at Stoners R Us and www.legalizeweed.com [note: not an actual website]

The Ginger, handsomely modeling

So, let's talk about these bags. I always kinda thought they were silly? Like I have tons of bags, I don't need a special one, I'll just throw some diapers in a bag and I'm off. HO boy. Yeah, glad I realized my mistake before I actually tried to take a baby out with just some diapers thrown in a bag. First of all, diaper bags have SO MANY POCKETS! As a person who doesn't buy a dress or skirt if it doesn't have pockets and had a total meltdown when I realized I ordered some pants with fake pockets AND almost bought a wedding dress based solely

Hands in pockets of a wedding dress I almost bought

on the fact that it had pockets, pockets are a BIG. FREAKING. DEAL. The first diaper bag I have to show you is this $20 bag from Wal-Mart. It's super cute, with letters all over it, but not overly cutesy with pastel animals and crap. The colors are versatile, in case someone in the relationship is uncomfortable carrying a 'gendered' bag (The Ginger liked the purple one, while I hated it and wanted something neutral). The price is obviously very nice and low-cost. I don't remember if it comes with a changing mat or not but SO MANY POCKETS! It also has about a million matching things, such as a carseat, high chair, and rocking baby-chair. If you're into that. Barf.

I also really like this messenger-style diaper bag from Babies R Us. It's twice as much as the Wal-Mart diaper bag though at $45. I like how you wouldn't really know it's a diaper bag and the accessible wipes pocket is cool too. Except for when your hands are all poopy and you're frantically grasping for a wipe in a public restroom... Hope the fabric is easily wiped down... I'm also, again, a fan of the neutral color. But... $45? That's pretty steep. It's also not Wal-Mart though, which is another plus.

Fisher Price Messenger Diaper Bag, $45

Here's another one from Babies R Us that I like. I'm pretty sure it'd be a shit diaper bag, BUT LOOK AT THE SPOTS! I just love spotsssssss! It's also $45 and the strap looks pretty crap but I do love that design!

Thanks for reading and don't forget to pop a comment at the bottom if you're enjoying what your reading or have something to add/comment/whatever!

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Finally Attacking Attachment Parenting

HEY READERS! Thanks for joining me again to talk about all things BABY. If there's something you'd like me talk talk about or think I should talk about please feel free to leave a comment! I love to hear from you guys.

So today I'm starting out with a quick little attachment parenting rant, as promised. I'd like to say right off the bat that I do differentiate between baby-wearing and attachment parenting. Baby-wearing (wearing a baby in a sling or something close to the body) is used in attachment parenting but not everyone who baby-wears is an attachment theory loon. I am also by no means an attachment parenting expert. If it's something you're interested in, please do your own research. I could stomach looking up only so much! This article was very interesting to me and basically summed up how I feel about attachment theory. Attachment theory says to be "sensitive" to your baby's needs. What they really mean is to cater to every need and cry, regardless of how minor. And to even try and prevent crying by providing for the child before they need something. It promotes co-sleeping and advocates for babies to constantly be held. All the time. Not a second alone. Here's an awesome quote from the article

"...attachment parenting hinges on the presumption that if, through perpetual satisfaction of their every desire, we prevent our babies from crying -- and indeed, perpetual satisfaction of their every desire is the only way to prevent a baby from crying -- they will grow to become well-adjusted" 

But how can they adjust when EVERYTHING is constantly provided? Does the real world work like this? Maybe for the rich, but certainly not for the rest of us. It is vital that babies start to learn to be patient and self-soothe. These characteristics will help them to grow into confident children who are not constantly turning to a parent to provide for them. Obviously to a lesser extent some of their ideas make sense. If you know your baby will be hungry in 20min because they always are at that time then of course you can go start making some food/getting ready to feed/whatever. But the idea is that a child should never want for anything, which I think is an incredibly privileged, white, rich, naive way of raising a child. We all need independence and it's stunting to a child's development to not be given a chance to foster that independence. Life is full of disappointments and small disappointments, such as being set down so Mommy can poop in peace, is one I am happy to let my child realize early in the game.

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FETA CHEESEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

IT IS THE BEST DAY IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!! FOR TODAY I FOUND OUT THAT YOU CAN IN FACT EAT FETA CHEESE WHILE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For those of you who have talked with me at any length about pregnancy, you have probably heard me complain about how I ADORE feta and don't know how on earth to go without it for 9 months. NOW I WON'T HAVE TO!!! I learned today that, while some cheeses are to avoid (sorry bleu cheese), feta is A-OKAY and that it's a total myth that you can't eat feta!!! Who started this malicious rumor? Was it feta-hoarders around the world? Greedy partners who wanted to watch their pregnant significant others weep as they consumed all the feta in a tri-state area? I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO STARTED IT. So that I may hate them forever and scowl at them if I ever run across them and write things like "you monster" and "I know what you did" on their Facebook wall. Feta feta feta feta feta feta feta feta feta feta feta feta feta feta feta feta feta. I can't believe I actually typed out all of those 'feta's. THAT'S how dedicated I am to feta. And I'm a pretty slow typer too so it took a long time.

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