Bugs, Lizards, and Baby Things

 So, I generally hate bugs. And I'm not a huge lizard fan. But for some reason, I am allll about having a kid who LOVES bugs and lizards. I want them (especially if they're a girl) to loves science and is really passionate about it. Or at least I want to encourage that, though not force it. So when I was at Carter's, I got this sweet lizard shirt! It was $5 and is for a 9 month old. Right along that same vein, I want my daughter (though son too) to know she's smart and what she says matters! I got the Girl Genius onesie for $5 too! And since our nursery theme is space, I of course had to get those astronaut PJs for $8, size 6 months. The warm looking monster hat was $3! I won't use it for a while, it's for a one or two year old but it was so cheap and cute andddd has little mittens too!

Since we're SUPER broke all the time, I though it'd be smart to stop buying new clothes and start buying second hand! All of the next few pictures are from Goodwill and All cost under $5! Some of them are even Carter's brand! SO from top to bottom and left to right! Crab onesie: Carter's, 6months. Overalls: OshKosh, 6months, Alligator onesie: Carter's, 12months.

Moose 2 piece set: Carter's, 6-9months, Yeti shirt: Jumping Beans, 12months. Owl onesie: The Children's Place, 3-6months.













Train vest: The Children's Place, 2years. Dino PJs: The Children's Place, 6-9 months

While I couldn't find things I was in LOVE with at Goodwill, like I do at Carter's, not everything my child is going to wear is something I'm going to love. And as they get older, that'll be more and more true. Soon they'll be wearing shirts that say "Cuntzilla" or "Jailbait" or shirts that depict Jesus having sex with a pornstar who is giving a blowjob to the pope. Or at least that's what I wore when I got older and I'm SURE my parents didn't love THAT.

Goodwill is a good choice, and I definitely can't afford to be too picky! I'll try and go there more often when I've got that hankering for some new baby clothes.

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Still Going Strong

Carters, $10 clearance, 6 month (2 onsies and pants) 

Hey friends,

Carters, $8, 9 months

Carters, part of the $10 clearance set

I'm still here! Still buying baby clothes... With no baby to put in them! Part of me says "Just go for it! Have a lil bebe! You'll make it work!" And another (smarter) part of me says "You need a car. And a house. And you have no money. Chill." SIGH. So I've been (semi) content to just buy baby clothes and make all my characters in Dungeons and Dragons be pregnant. So here are the clothes I got today at Carter's! I resisted SO HARD buying all the incredibly adorable dresses and things. NEUTRAL. Trying to stop NEUTRAL clothing. (And yes you can def argue that dresses are inherently neutral and it is only society that genders them and that's totally true.) I love love love this lil bug shirt! It glows in the dark, too. It was really hard to stick to the cheaper stuff, too. I passed up TWO different PJ sets. One of them just had dogs in clothes (SO CUTE) and the OTHER ONE HAD DOGS SKATEBOARDING ON IT UGH I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T BUY THAT ONE.. Anyway. I have nothing else to contribute. Oh! Except! Here is my super awesome baby wish list! All the things I'm gonna put on an eventual registry are on there. Pretty sweet stuff. Gotta fill them days somehow!
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Till next time!

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Baby Clothes Addiction? Is that a thing?

Space onesies from Targret, $6 on clearance

Yeah, I think it is a thing. Here's my most recent addition. Since I'm obsessed with space themed things for babies, I wanted these instantly! Luckily I waited for a long time and got them on clearance! Woo!

Speaking of space themed things, I finished my space baby quilt! It was super fun!

I haven't been writing much, which I apologize for! But we're moving soon and I'm doing a lot of budgeting (no more baby clothes for a long time! Boo!!) and have been busy! I'll write a longer post when I'm not quite so busy!

xoxox

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Nursery Theme

My nursery is PLANNED. I mean it is freaking PLANNED. TO THE LETTER. Obviously not all plans go according to plan but planning the nursery has kept me sane while waiting for the biopsy and all that mess. So I planned the crap out of a nursery. I want a gender neutral theme since I don't want to know the bebe's sex. And I love science! So a galaxy/space/ planets/alien theme is the best ever. Mah bebe's gonna be so edumacated. (sorry if the pictures are all messed up)

Some of these things aren't even available anymore/are unrealistic to get but they're just ideas for inspiration! That cradle is over $1000 for example... but actually looks kinda like you could make it? The curtains and quilt also aren't available any more but both are things I could make. I loveloveloveeee the female scientists posters. 

I think before I said I wanted a monster theme, which is still totally awesomeeee. But I decided on the space theme because I think it inspires not only imagination, but interest in science! Sososo important.

So what other themes do you guys like? Woodland animals? Zoo animals? Explorers? Under the sea? Circus tent? Super gendered princess/sport theme? (Not that I'm judging)

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Fear and Retail Therapy

Hey friends,
So as very few of you know, I've been having some health issues. I've only told a few people because I've been pretty scared. My doctor found a lump on my thyroid a few weeks ago. First I had to do an ultrasound (yeah, not how I imagined my first ultrasound) and then I had to wait two weeks (waiting is the best. NOT.) and today I just got a biopsy of the lump. Which was super scary and painful and I cried a lot. Anyways, it got me thinking a lot about pregnancy, because the thyroid is so important in pregnancy! It's a huge factor in fetal brain development and hypothyroidism (what I'm pretty sure is the issue I have) can lead to retardation in babies. So yeah. Your thyroid is super important. People with thyroid problems can also have problems getting pregnant in the first place. I always just assumed that getting pregnant was going to be pretty easy for me, and it still might be! But the idea that something could be wrong was so jarring and shocking! Of course I won't know final results till next week and there are thyroid replacement drugs that can make everything fine. I just had that "oh" feeling. Like, this is what it feels like for your body to not be the way you thought it was. Everything will probably be fine, but it's scary not to be able to say with certainty, everything WILL be fine.

Carter's Bicycle dress, $8, size 3 months

After the biopsy I went to Babies R Us with my mom, which was pretty fun! As much fun as it was going with The Ginger, he didn't really know what things were or could have critical conversations about them and if they'd be good for babies. So it was really fun to go with my mom who could coo over things with me. There were also lots of clothes sales! And you know I can't resist baby clothes. And of course GIRL baby clothes. I'm jinxing myself, I know. I have no baby girl names and all I can buy are girl clothes. I'll either have a nameless girl, or have a boy with a closet full of girl clothes.

Time for some Grey's Anatomy curled up on the couch massaging my neck now. Next time I'll write on weird baby names and nursery themes (which I'm totally obsessed with).

Till next time, loves!

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Our Trip to Babies R Us

A Pak-N-Play, forgot to get the price! Nice colors

On Friday The Ginger and I went to Babies R Us to have a look around and man, that place is NUTS. First of all, it's MASSIVE. It just has WAYY too much stuff. Like a million different outlet covers and nipple creams and 15 different models of every piece of furniture. So here are some pictures of ridiculous things we saw, things we liked, and what we bought!

First thing we looked at (after being seriously overwhelmed by the amount of bottles/breast pumps/pacifiers/random shit) was Pak-N-Plays, or whatever the non-brand name of them is called. Since we don't think we'll be having a crib, a Pak-N-Play is going to be our go-to for those first few weeks when we need baby in the bedroom with us for midnight feedings. It's also going to be handy since we'll be needing it for Baby when we travel to visit family (which we'll be doing often). The first one we looked at is a nice blue and white one with a bassinet and changing table insert. They can be taken out and it can be used as a regular full crib. The second one we saw is the pink and brown one, which you can unzip part of and use the removable shelves!! Almost as good as pockets!

Chandelier swing eww

Another Pak N Play!

Then we looked at those motorized rocking swings, which I'm not generally a fan of but whateves. They had some nice one. But his one was so completely RIDICULOUS that I had to snap a picture. Yes, that is a little pink CHANDELIER over that swing. ads,fhd;lshkklj Like what the actual fuck are you joking. I didn't even take a picture of the super gross Disney princess canopy crib with chandelier. Yuck yuck yuck.

Monsters Inc. Theme

I'd sleep in this

On the flip side of the gross themed stuff was the adorable themed things! Like all the cute Monsters Inc. things. I think a Monsters Inc. theme would be adorable. Because monsters are not only a fun gender neutral theme, but they're just adorable and awesome. Doesn't have to be Monsters Inc., just monsters in general. The whole crib set can be seen here. There's a pretty cute quilt, though I'd like to make my own baby quilt (and actually am and will post about it later!).
Okay, so here's what we added to our stockpike.

Okay so the "Daddy's Little Girl" is a little silly but whatever. The other one The Ginger picked out and is pretty cool because it has a dog on it and on the little shorts it comes with! We almost got the skull sweater the the right but decided to wait until Baby is older and we know more about when they'll be what age when. So we're not buying sweaters that would fit them when they're 6 months and they turn out to be 6 months old in the summer or something.

Overall, I think I'll probably look for a different store for all my baby needs, mainly because of how HUGE it was. And also that the people working there wouldn't leave me alone. I really really don't like talking to anyone at stores. So when employees come up to me and ask me how I'm doing, I say fine the first time, but if the SAME staff person comes BACK to me and asks me AGAIN, it freaks me out! And I get upset! I don't like it! And that happened a few times. Which made me kinda anxious. Anyways! That's all I got for now.

Remember friends, comments are awesome and appreciated, and you can subscribe via email to the right! Love you guys!

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How My Mental Illness is Helping My Husband Be a Better (Eventual) Father

       I know, for those suffering from mental illnesses, we can sometimes feel like "WHAT good can ever come from my mental issues?" It can be hard to think of any benefit of mental illness. It can feel like it swallows you whole and consumes everything you love, shitting it back out like a dark King Midas that turns everything it touches into a twisted mess. My mental illnesses have ruled the better part of my life and it's a constant struggle to find a silver lining. But this is a little bit about how I think I found mine.

      I've struggled with depression/anxiety/borderline personality disorder for most of my life, though thankfully things are much better now than they used to be. I've not self-harmed in over 6 years and I've been without medication for about 3 years. For the most part, I'm doing really well. But everyone has times when they struggle and the last year has been a serious strain on my anxieties. Panic attacks started coming back, accompanied of course by depression, constant worrying, and phobias. I try hard to take care of myself and look up ways to help me de-stress, but it's not the kind of stress you get after a long day. Anxieties start to control your life. Someone asks if you want to go get lunch. Have to get dressed, what if I wear something stupid what if they don't like what I'm wearing, then I have to drive there what if I get in an accident and no one knows who to call and I'm all alone and dying and my husband can't find me, then I'll have to get there to eat and there will be people all around me and what if a man grabs me or I get cornered somewhere that I can't get away, what will I eat, can I afford to be going out, what are we going to talk about? No sorry, I'm busy I can't go out. Can't sleep at night thinking of all the things that could happen to you or your loved ones. Checking to see if your partner is still breathing.

     I've made myself a little tool-kit to take places with me to try and lower my anxiety and it does sometimes help. But what helps me get through Every. Single. Episode. Is my husband.
     I know, I know, the feminist in me is screaming that I don't need a husband to take care of me, and that's true. But everyone does need a support system. And I'm lucky enough to live with my best friend who knows how to help me. I'm sure when I had my first panic attack in front of him my husband was like whattttttttttt the hell is going on I'm gonna run now. But I remember very clearly hiding in my closet crying and rocking back and forth and him sitting on the floor right outside the closet and telling me to listen to the rain. Previous to that of course was the "What is going on you need to calm down" that everyone often says when seeing someone else have a panic attack, but he seemed to learn pretty quickly that rationalization at that moment was not working and he needed to try something else.

   If I were totally neuro-typical, I'm sure The Ginger would still be a great father! He's selfless and kind and loving. He'd learn everything else as he went. When I first met him he, like so many others our age including myself, had little to no experience caring for anyone but himself. And certainly no experience caring and loving someone who is struggling with an illness. He has had to coax me out of some pretty tough situations. And can he do it every time? No. Sometimes I just can't be calmed down, or he doesn't say "The Right Thing" and I get even more upset. I can go from just easily irritated, to periods of complete shut down and going non-verbal. Sometimes he gets irritated back or he doesn't understand why I'm not talking. But every time gets easier than the last. It's a learning process, and it's one that he's excelling at. Last time I stopped talking he started telling me a funny story about our dog. He makes me laugh, he breaks up the worry loop in my brain. He knows my triggers, he understood that I had to stop watching Game of Thrones because I couldn't handle the constant sexual assault scenes. He helps me clean the kitchen when a friend with allergies is coming over because he knows I have a huge allergy phobia. He comes home after working all day and sees me curled up on the couch crying about how stressful it is that our apartment is messy and how I can't get off the couch and couldn't all day, and he starts cleaning up.

      I think that learning my needs, as someone who needs possibly a little extra attention than a neuro-typical person might, has helped The Ginger learn to listen really deeply to another person and care for them and think of them when making decisions. He's not gonna suggest waking downtown at night as a date-night. He might choose a movie cuddled on the cough or bowling if it was a good day because he understands my needs and has incorporated them into his own. All of these characteristics are, what I believe, going to make him not just a great father, but a fantastic father. 

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